Law school has a way of making everything feel high stakes.
Every class matters. Every exam matters. Every networking event matters. Even deciding whether to spend an evening with someone instead of your outlines can feel like a strategic calculation.
Law students have long debated whether dating during school is worth the effort.
Alexandra Sumner, a 2019 graduate of Indiana University Robert H. McKinney School of Law and former contributor to The National Jurist, said the real question isn’t whether you should date in law school, but whether you should date someone who’s in law school.
Yet despite the endless reading assignments and looming deadlines, students continue to fall in love. And now, many are adding another participant to the relationship: artificial intelligence.
According to a 2025 survey by Wingmate of more than 1,000 U.S. adults who use AI in their dating lives, 62% have used it to improve a dating profile, 51% have used it for conversation starters and 38% have used it to help navigate conflict. Even more surprising, 41% said they’ve used AI to help end a relationship.
Apparently, “it’s not you, it’s an algorithm” has entered the dating vocabulary.
While AI may be changing how people meet, flirt and communicate, the fundamentals of healthy relationships have not changed. Future lawyers still need honesty, empathy, communication and someone who understands that disappearing into the library for six hours is not a personal attack.
Jake Guarino, a 2024 graduate of Houston University Law Center and current attorney with Wilson Cribbs + Goren in Houston, knows both the rewards and the realities of dating during law school. His relationship lasted through all three years of law school before ending after the bar exam.
“It was an honest conversation,” he said. “It wasn’t easy, but it was mutually the right thing to do.”
Looking back, he said the experience taught him as much about relationships as law school taught him about practicing law.
Here are a few lessons worth taking with you.
#1 Leave the competition in the classroom
Law students are naturally competitive. Getting into law school required ambition. Succeeding there requires even more. The problem begins when that competitive instinct follows you home.
Guarino said one of the biggest challenges in his relationship was that both he and his ex-girlfriend were driven personalities. Instead of simply working through disagreements, they often found themselves trying to prove whose perspective was right.
“We’d both see one side of the issue,” he said. “We’d be missing each other’s perspective.”
That mindset can quietly turn partners into opponents. Who’s busier? Who studied longer? Who had the harder professor? Who is more stressed?
Nobody wins those arguments. A relationship isn’t graded on a curve.
Sumner admitted she sometimes found herself comparing workloads with her graduate student boyfriend, asking who had the harder semester or the heavier schedule. The comparisons, she said, accomplished very little.
#2 Find someone who sharpens you
One of the greatest advantages of dating someone who understands law school is having a built-in support system.
Guarino said his ex-girlfriend became much more than someone to spend weekends with. She became a trusted sounding board. If she had already taken a class or worked with a professor, she could offer advice. She reviewed assignments, challenged his thinking and gave him honest feedback.
“It was wonderful to have someone that could literally make each other better,” he said. “Iron sharpening iron.”
That doesn’t mean you have to date another law student. Some couples thrive because one partner lives completely outside the legal world. Others succeed because both understand exactly what the other is experiencing. The common denominator isn’t the résumé. It’s mutual support.
#3 Law school isn’t permission to ghost people
Students love to joke that they don’t have time for anything except reading cases and drinking coffee.
Sumner pushed back against the notion that law school excuses inconsiderate behavior. While students often share that they’re too busy to respond to texts or keep plans, she said that being overwhelmed isn’t the same as being unavailable.
“We’re not dead,” she said. “Just busy.”
There’s certainly less free time than before. But being busy isn’t the same thing as being unavailable. Relationships still require communication.
That doesn’t mean elaborate date nights every week. Sometimes it’s simply sending a quick text before class or checking in after an exam.
Respect isn’t measured by how many hours you spend together. It’s measured by whether the other person knows they matter.
If someone consistently treats you like an optional calendar appointment, law school probably isn’t the real problem.
#4 Date nights don’t have to be expensive
Law school has a remarkable ability to empty a bank account. The good news? Some of the best dates cost almost nothing.
Guarino remembers cooking together, taking long walks and having conversations that stretched for hours. Their discussions ranged from philosophy to history to the legal theories they were wrestling with in class.
“It was lots of very long, very deep conversations,” he recalled.
No reservations. No expensive concert tickets. Just quality time.
Student loans may limit your entertainment budget, but they don’t have to limit your relationship.
#5 Build a life beyond the library
For students who move away from home, relationships often become part of a larger support network.
Guarino said his ex-girlfriend’s family welcomed him into holidays, dinners and family gatherings while he attended law school far from home.
“Without that community, I would have just been like a kite in the storm,” he said.
It’s an important reminder that life doesn’t stop simply because you’re earning a law degree. Strong relationships often help students maintain perspective. There are conversations that have nothing to do with torts. Meals that don’t involve highlighting casebooks. Weekends where nobody mentions the Rule Against Perpetuities.
Those moments matter.
#6 Leave AI out of your relationship
Technology has found its way into nearly every part of modern dating.
The Wingmate survey found that 57% of respondents trust AI more than friends for dating advice and more than half said AI has improved their conversations.
But the line becomes blurry when AI starts replacing genuine communication. Using artificial intelligence to apologize. Using it to resolve conflict. Or asking it to end a relationship.
Guarino has a simple response to that trend.
“If you’re having a robot write things that are supposed to come from the heart,” he said, “you need to redirect your effort and actually write what you care about.”
#7 Not every relationship has to last forever
One of the biggest misconceptions about dating is that every relationship has only two possible outcomes: happily ever after or complete failure. Life rarely works that way.
Although Guarino’s law school relationship ended, he said it helped him better understand himself and the kind of partner he wanted.
“It showed me what I like, what I’m successful with and the kind of support and community that I need around me,” he said.
Not long afterward, he met the woman he’s dating today.
At the same time, he points out that several attorneys at his firm married classmates they met during law school. There isn’t a formula for success. There are simply people willing to grow together.
#8 The final verdict
Law school will test your time management, patience and resilience. Relationships often do the same.
The students who navigate both successfully usually aren’t the ones with perfect calendars or flawless communication. They’re the ones who remember that another person is never an extracurricular activity.
Don’t outsource your heart to AI by using it to write your breakup letter. Future lawyers spend three years learning how much words matter. The most meaningful conversations you’ll ever have deserve your own voice, not one generated by a chatbot.
After all, the strongest relationships aren’t built on perfect arguments. They’re built on people who choose, day after day, to stop arguing long enough to listen.
Sumner said dating can make students better law students by reminding them there’s a world beyond casebooks and citation rules. Healthy relationships keep students grounded, expose them to different perspectives and provide a welcome break from the pressures of legal education.
“Somewhere between classes, family, friends and even an episode of “Parks and Recreation,” there is still room for romance,” she said. “The key is making time to find it.”
