When I first heard that my grandma—the woman who raised me, the woman who believed in me all these years, the woman who was more of a parent to me than my actual parents—was in the intensive care unit at the hospital, my first thought wasn’t “I hope she’s going to be ok,” it was “but what about my assignment due tomorrow?”
I knew at that moment I’d have to make an important decision: what kind of lawyer was I going to be? Was I going to be the lawyer that missed out on birthdays, recitals, holidays, and illnesses because I thought my work was more important? Was I going to be the lawyer who was never really present because I obsessively checked my email? Was I going to be the type of person to let my grandma be on a ventilator alone surrounded by strangers?
No. I was going to be the type of lawyer who values her career and her family. So I did what any good granddaughter would do: I packed my things and went to her. I called my boss in the car to let her know what was happening and canceled all my scheduled meetings for the next few days. She told me that the work can wait, but the family cannot. I agree. Now that we know my grandma will be spending at least the next two weeks in the ICU, I was able to coordinate my schedule so that I can work and visit with her daily. It won’t be a normal 9-5 workday, but it will be worth it.
As I sit here watching her sleep (and hopefully, heal), I can’t help but wonder: would I have made the same choice if I was still in law school? Would I even be able to have this option if I didn’t work for a remote company? Would I have to worry about losing my job if I didn’t work for a company that valued both work and family life?
There is no course syllabus or textbook available for navigating your career in the midst of a family crisis. No helpful supplement with email templates about asking for extended PTO or whether you need to apply for FMLA coverage. No pdfs about how to budget for someone else’s bills and make sure they get paid on time. These types of situations are unpredictable and often traumatic—certainly something you can’t prepare for.
If you’re a new lawyer or law student there is an important question you ask yourself: if you had to choose between your job and your family, which would you pick? If you knew you might take a hit career-wise by missing an important meeting, conference, or social event, would you do it? Why? For how long?
If you’re anything like me you spent a large portion of your life preparing, studying, and dreaming of the day you finally get to cross off “become an attorney” from your to-do list—but careers and goals aren’t static—they need to evolve and adjust as we do. Who you are today may be different from who you were last year and who you’ll be a few months from now—what’s important is to identify your values and stick with them, even when things don’t go exactly as planned.
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My grandma passed away last Friday. While I am still reeling from her death and juggling a handful of emotions, one thing I don’t feel is guilt. I was by her side at the end, I made sure she knew she was a priority, and no one at work really cared that I didn’t complete my assignment on time. In this instance, work can wait—spending time with a loved one can’t.
